I heard a joke about a Panda the other day and decided to rewrite it a bit. It is told from an third person direct narrative perspective as most jokes like this are. I turned it into a “shaggy dog” story.
A Panda walks into doughnut store and asks the clerk for two glazed doughnuts. The clerk turns to the cook who hands him two fresh glazed doughnuts. The clerk puts them in a bag, hands them to the Panda and the Panda pays for them. As the clerk thanks him for the business the Panda takes the doughnuts out of the bag and pops them into his mouth, gulping them down without chewing, and nods with a satisfied look. A smile crosses the clerks face as he glances over at the cook with a knowing look.
The Panda throws the bag into the trash and waves goodbye. Approaching the door, the Panda pulls out a gun and shoots it into the air until it is empty. The clerk and cook, having ducked down, peer out, staring at the Panda in disbelief. The clerk asks, “Why did you do that?”
The Panda turns back to look at him as he’s walking out the door and says, “I’m a Panda, look it up.”
The clerk and cook stay crouched behind the counter for a few minutes before calling the police. After dealing with the police, both the clerk and the cook, being rattled by the incident, decide to call it a day, so they lock up the store and head home. As they’re walking, the cook asks the clerk, “What did that Panda mean when he said he was a panda and to look it up?”
The clerk shook his head and answered, “I don’t know, but I must admit I’m curious. I’ll see if I can find anything out tonight and let you know tomorrow.” They then parted and went their separate ways home.
On the way to his house, the clerk thought about what the Panda said. Remembering a library was just a couple of blocks off the route home, the clerk decided to stop at the library and do some research on Pandas. He walks into the library and asks the librarian if there are any books on pandas. The librarian replied, “Yes, we’ve got several. They’re all over in the science section, right over there.”
The clerk thanked her and went over to the row of shelves the librarian indicated, found several books on pandas and picked one. Looking around, he found a chair and table in a quiet corner, and sat down to read. Thumbing through the pages, he mumbled to himself as he read, “…panda’s are…, …found in China…, …environment…, …typical diet…, hmmm, what do you know?”
The clerk closed the book, went home, cooked dinner, and then went to bed. He got up the next morning, got ready for work, and walked to the store. The cook was waiting outside for him and seemed a bit anxious. He asked, “Did you find anything out?” The clerk nodded and said, “I sure did. And it explains everything.”
The cook, excited now, prodded him, “Well, tell me.”
The clerk drew in a breath and said, “Well, I read a bunch of stuff about them, and when I got to the dietary section on Pandas, it mentioned that a panda eats chutes and leaves.”
The cook nodded and said, “That makes sense.”
The clerk opened the door and they both went inside to start their day.